having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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