dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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