Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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