I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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