I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
