Already got asked if we're dating
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
