i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
