he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
