Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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