he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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