She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
