We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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