my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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