You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
