it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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