Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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