Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
