Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize