I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
