You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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