I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
