I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
thus making me awesome and them whores
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
