At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
