i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
