my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
