I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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