sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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