My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
