I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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