I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
