No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
me + whiskey = a bad person
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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