Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
