I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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