the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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