we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
