Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize