I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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