She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize