i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
