Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
