I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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