Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
