I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
