Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Boobs are out for the taking
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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