capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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