So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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