Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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