Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
