I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
