just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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