I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
