Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
