i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
porn star boner night. come get it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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