you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
