my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
