Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
