Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
