My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
