She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
