you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
