what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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