My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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