'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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