I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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