You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
