Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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