Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
