he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize