I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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