We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
