You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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