Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
