Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
