Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
