Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
