i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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