If i could tip my vagina, i would.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
